


Acquiesce

by cal1brations



Series: Papa Rin AU [3]
Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: (actually a Big Demi), (i cannot believe that's a tag holy shit), Bon is a Big Gay, Check the notes for more infooo, Demisexuality, Internal Conflict, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-25 20:06:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4974544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cal1brations/pseuds/cal1brations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He <i>wants</i> Rin, in more ways than just bending him over.</p><p>It’s always been Rin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Acquiesce

**Author's Note:**

> The next part is here, hooray!
> 
> The part in which Suguro gets a chance to lament more properly over his own feelings. Enjoy!

He hasn’t had the time to see Rin lately, and it sucks.

It sucks because he _likes_ seeing Rin, fucking-inclusive or not. Rin is one of his best friends, after all—even if he’s impossible half the time and makes Suguro contemplate ripping his own plugs out, a pain even lesser than that of Rin’s usually-accidental idiocy.

Suguro sighs as he scrubs his hands over his face, still in bed after a post-service nap; he’d felt a migraine coming on towards the end, and promptly made to retire for the night (without dinner, which was a stupid move, his hollow stomach snarls) to sleep it off, but here he is. His head has stopped hurting, but he’s hungry and, after a long day in the hot, hot temple, Suguro just wants to wash it all off, the entire day.

Another sigh leaves him as he gets up, manages to drag out a clean set of clothes and a towel before he heads to shower. His hair feels slick and greasy, pulled back out of his face in his usual ponytail, and the thought of washing off the day’s work makes him feel a little delighted, even if he feels a bit dead on his feet.

Sort of bummed he’s not showering at Rin’s place, which happens a lot, actually, but hey. A shower is a shower, and it’s not like Suguro _hates_ being here or something—it’s his home.

He’s worked hard to be here.

Suguro slowly manages his way to the bathroom, doesn’t bother with a bath (he knows he’ll fall asleep in the soothing water) and starts the shower. As the water runs hot, Suguro undresses, undoes his ponytail and practically stumbles into the stall, standing in the warm spray face-first, letting the water pelt him. He sighs quietly, eyes closed as he relaxes under the spray.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long for his thoughts to drift.

Rin’s shower is a piece of shit, he recalls from recent memory. The water pressure is all kinds of fucked up, either a drizzle or a fire hydrant. The last time he was over, a couple weeks ago, he took a shower before heading back to Kyoto.

Rin hadn’t been keen on the idea of letting Suguro waste his last minutes in Rin’s home alone, to say the least.

The thought in his head slides immediately towards inappropriate, recalling the smoothness of Rin’s skin, the way he kissed Suguro hard enough to bruise his lips, sucked a hickey to Suguro’s neck as he grabbed ahold of his cock, hand soapy from the body wash, stroking him to hardness with just a few flicks of his wrist—

Suguro shivers, finds himself idly ghosting a hand over his own torso, setting just above his pubic bone. The thought of jerking off really isn’t a big dilemma; they don’t practice celibacy. It’s more of the fact that it’s the thought of _Rin_ making his cock leap to life, the thought of Rin stroking him and whispering borderline-disgusting words against the shell of his ear—what he wants Suguro to do with him, how good Suguro’s cock is, c’mon Suguro, just really quick, before you go—

Suguro gnaws on his lower lip, lets out a long-suffering sigh as he finally drops his hand down.

Just… really quick.

His hand isn’t like Rin’s, not smooth and slender; he’d hate to think he’s spoiling himself—he’d better cut back if Rin’s effecting him even _this_ much. Nonetheless, he circles his hand around his cock, chewing the inside of his lip to keep from gasping out, but Suguro doesn’t have too much of a problem with staying quiet.

Not like Rin does. Rin, who cries out like a bitch in heat when Suguro teases him, pushing the head of his cock in just a bit, not enough to fill, or give Rin much besides the sensation that he’s _still not full_. His moans are all good, though, from the grunts he makes when Suguro fingers him to the near-screams he lets out when Suguro fucks him hard enough that his head bumps the headboard on each thrust of Suguro’s hips into his. The way his face goes totally red, drool pooling if he’s on all fours, begging between gasps of air that Suguro go faster, harder, he wants to cum, oh fuck, let me cum, Suguro—

Suguro braces himself against the shower wall, rests his forearm to the cold tile and presses his forehead into his arm, letting his eyes fall shut as he bargains with himself.

_You can whack off. But not to Rin. Anything but Rin._

It seems like an easy enough task—for people that aren’t Suguro. Who aren’t completely and absolutely enamored with their best friend, who don’t fuck their friend like some normal exchange. Maybe things are getting to be too much, this whole situation—

No, no. Suguro’s going to get off before he ends up with another migraine, he decides with solid determination (almost like the half-hard cock he’s limply holding). Squeezing his eyes shut, Suguro tries to think of… anything else.

His hand strokes slowly as he filters through what he wants to think of—tries to think of pretty girls at first, with sweet smiles and long, light-colored hair. Well, maybe not long hair. And… maybe a little taller, a little more muscular.

Maybe not a girl. That’s… fine. That’s fine.

Suguro sighs, holds his cock firmly as he gives a twisting stroke, flicking his thumb against the tip, stuttering out a breath as he holds back the grunt of a noise that threatens to leave him.

But the girl-guy-whoever he’s thinking of is no longer someone anonymous, can only be the person Suguro knows how to kiss, knows how to touch, knows how to _love_. Anyone else wouldn’t do. There isn’t anyone Suguro can truthfully, honestly want to be with besides—

“ _Rin_ ,” Suguro mouths, barely even breathes the word out as he picks up his pace. He can’t, he thinks desperately, fisting his cock with firm strokes, rocking into his hand. He imagines Rin’s hands, Rin’s filthy, wide-mouthed grin as he would push Suguro back, tail swishing side to side with silent intent as Rin would crawl over him, grant him a filthy kiss.

He imagines Rin above him, holding his cock and seating himself atop Suguro, thighs shaking with the effort of not letting himself simply fall atop Suguro, easing himself down with a loud moan; god, Rin is always so fucking loud, so needy and desperate, every single noise that leaves him during sex is just—too much.

Rin’s pale chest would heave, and he’d look down to Suguro with eyes far too blue for any human being, cheeks flushed and mouth hanging open. He’d probably tell Suguro how good he feels, mm, yeah, he could definitely sit like this forever, Suguro’s cock feels so fucking good inside him.

Suguro swallows a moan as he presses his forehead hard into his arm, the muscles in his forearm burning with the pace he sets for himself. But the thought of fucking Rin is so good, is all he wants to do, he wants to throw Rin down and fuck him until he’s crying, until there’s drool pooling on the blankets below him and he’s shaking with delight, begging for more and more and more.

He imagines Rin riding him, then, imagines the sight of Rin’s body moving so fluidly atop him, just watching Rin move feels like a sin. His wiry muscles pulling along under his skin as his hips roll, shifting Suguro’s cock inside him, tail thrashing as Rin gets more and more worked up, movements quickening as he moans, gasps out that Suguro is too fucking good, fuck, he wants it, he wants it so _bad_ , Suguro, _please_ —

And then Rin’s close, holding his trembling hands against Suguro’s chest as he practically _bounces_ on top of his dick, shaking as his body draws tight, stiff, and then he’s yelling out Suguro’s name and Suguro can practically feel the sensation of Rin spilling all over his stomach, Rin rocking on top of him while he sobs in delight, Suguro, Suguro, Suguro—

He bites back the shout of Rin’s name that wants to fall out of his mouth as he pumps himself, feels the heat between his hips seize him, has him jerk forward into his fist as he gasps in orgasm, pressing his face harshly against his forearm, squeezes his eyes shut as pleasurable shivers race up his spine as he slows, relaxes, and sighs.

And then the shame crawls up his throat as he looks down to the shower floor first, watches semen swirl round the drain as he reflects on the thought of Rin—God, why the fuck is he thinking about Rin so much, anyway?

…Well, he knows why, but. This is a little more than he was intending to shoulder.

Suguro closes his eyes again, sighing out loud. He’s half-waiting for his legs to regain a little bit of strength before he moves, but he’s also deep in thought, trying to understand his own horrible, stress-inducing feelings that are not supposed to be here, in his head and in his heart.

He knows that he loves Rin. Even if they were just normal friends (not the kind that fuck sometimes), without the history, Suguro is absolutely certain he’d love him—platonically, yes.

But this is not platonic.

It used to scare him, back when they were teenagers, back when Suguro was just getting over the fact that hey, guess I’m not completely disgusted by sex or romance, _especially_ when it comes to Rin. Only when it comes to Rin, it seems. He spent most of his younger years thinking that sex was gross, weird, not something he wanted—with the same regard to romance. Too weird for him to want a part of, ever.

Until Rin, with his stupid, stupid self, too nice for his own good, bullheaded but determined, sweet-natured even with his awful habit of picking fights when completely unnecessary, came and swept Suguro off his goddamn feet. It was something that took a good while to get used to, the fact that he wanted to kiss Rin and sleep with him and other things that used to make him shiver in discomfort at the thought of.

But Rin is the only, _only_ person Suguro has ever felt this for.

Rin is the only person Suguro has wanted to scream at and hug to near-death at the same time. Rin is the only person that can tell Suguro something that Suguro can take so personally, close to his heart, and it _isn’t ever a bad thing_.

Rin was a lot of firsts for Suguro. The first person Suguro ever fell in love with, his first kiss, his first blowjob and handjob, his first—

Suguro pushes back from the shower wall, shoving his face upwards to the shower spray, eyes squeezed shut. He wishes the water would wash away his troubling feelings down the drain, wishes a shower could get rid of the fact he’s in love with Rin, Rin is probably the _only_ person Suguro is going to feel this way for—

And Rin, most likely, doesn’t feel the same.

The proof is in the fact Rin has two children, children that are actually, legitimately his. From a relationship. With a person that was not Suguro, obviously.

Suguro loves them, too. Rin’s kids are precious to Suguro because they are darling, but also because they are a part of Rin, most of his world, nowadays. He is honored Rin allows Suguro into their lives so much, to the point where Suguro isn’t just some awkward “family friend” or even “uncle-but-not-uncle” status. He’s just _Suguro_ (sometimes “BonBon” which is so stupid, so dumb, but watching Rin’s girls say it with silly giggles behind their tiny hands lessens his annoyance with the name), and that’s something he loves to be.

Selfishly, he wants to be more.

He wants more than just a quick fuck can allow. He wants more than just “I love you, dude! Y’know, since you’re my best friend!”. He wants to be able to be in Rin’s life, to be able to tell Rin that he loves him so much he hurts sometimes to think about it, to be able to soothe Rin on his bad days and enjoy his better ones.

He _wants_ Rin, in more ways than just bending him over.

It’s always been Rin.

Suguro roughly washes his hair, washes the rest of his body. He can’t fight it anymore, so he tries it out in his head a few times: _I’m in love with Rin. I’m in love with Rin. I’m totally, hopelessly in love with Rin, my ex-boyfriend, who has two kids and a life I don’t even belong in._

When he finishes in the shower, he retires to his room once more, clean and dressed in fresh clothes. He digs his cell phone out of his uniform (his Exorcist one, not his usual robe-attire around here), and snorts at the few messages Rin has left him, mostly variations of “hellooo!”

He wants to tell Rin, but he can’t.

But he can certainly have a little conversation without things being weird.

 

_Did you miss me, mooching off your dinner?_

He lies back in bed, letting his phone rest beside his pillow. A buzz, and Suguro quickly moves to read the message.

 

_of course!! we had udon tonight, one of your faves!_

_how was your day?_

Suguro smiles a little at that, replying quickly, but not too quickly. He doesn’t need to give off the wrong vibes here; just because Rin is fast at texting him doesn’t mean Suguro needs to answer immediately.

 

_Yours?_

_rough tbh_

_but i’m home now and the girls are in bed so all is well!_

_you okay?_

Suguro smiles at that, already growing a bit drowsy. He forces himself to stay away long enough to reply to Rin.

 

_I’m alright._

He wants to tell Rin, but he knows he can’t. He can’t, he can’t, he can’t. He can’t risk fucking up what he already has. Rin, sparingly, but it’s Rin all the same. Rin who he gets to come home to sometimes, Rin who he gets to have sex with and Rin who he gets to have, in a sense. Not the sense he wants, but… It’s enough. It has to be.

 

_I won’t keep you, though._

_Have a good night, Rin._

_aww, you too!_

_sleep good, suguro!!_

_and come over again soon!!! the girls and i miss you!  ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ_

_Sure, sure._

_Night, Rin._

_night!_

Suguro falls asleep, holding his phone in his hand, half under his pillow. He tries not to think too hard about visiting Rin again, tries not to think about how awkward things might be if he can’t stuff down his feelings deep enough to spend some time with Rin and his family.

He falls asleep thinking of too many things, then nothing at all.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to make it known (in case it was too vague) that Suguro is demisexual and demiromantic; before dating Rin, he considered himself a sex & romance-repulsed ace. If there is any interest in Suguro struggling with getting used to having sexual/romantic feelings for Rin, I _do_ have an installment of that all written up... I didn't plan to post it, because I felt it didn't fit the format I have laid out for this series going forward, but if people seem interested in some more background with that, I guess I could reconsider posting it! ;v;
> 
> I've been _extremely_ nervous to go in-depth with Suguro's sexual/romantic orientation in this series in fear of portraying anything wrong... if there's something inappropriate/poorly portrayed/you just have some feedback for me on how to write this type of thing better in the future, I'm totally eager to hear it! I very much don't mean to offend anyone, so if something is meh, I'd love to hear some input on how to improve! 
> 
> Also, texting conversations are very difficult for me to write/read, so I tried something new with this fic! ;v; I'm not sure if I like it, but, well. It's done. -w-;; 
> 
> ANYWAY. Until next time!


End file.
